Rosie Brown RN » Emotional Freedom

How to Boost Your Winter Mood…

Rosie Brown — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 22:17:07 +0000

Hmm, could Dr. Mercola’s advice this morning help chase away the winter blues?

“Thinking outside the box is more than just a business cliché. It means approaching problems in new, innovative ways and conceptualizing problems differently. One way to beef up your out-of-the-box thinking skills: Study another industry. Go to the library and pick up a trade magazine in an industry other than your own, or grab a few books from the library, and learn about how things are done in other industries.”

As I thought about my conversation this weekend with an ingenious architectural designer, I pondered on how to transfer his industry’s information to invigorate the dark, cold January and February winter days.

First a few key points from architectural designer Charlie Gabhart, then questions on how you might transfer some of his information to help remedy the winter blues…

People build houses that are aggravating. They bump around in them. They don’t have the environment they need. They start blaming the spouse and each other for not being happy. The house is causing their unhappiness.

You can write this down: When a house is finished, if the owners talk about what a nightmare it was, the nightmare is the result, not the building of the house. If they get a good result, then the nightmare of the building evaporates.
The ego causes unhappiness. People fantasize on a dream home: ego. They want to look and feel successful: ego. They want the house to do so much for their self esteem: ego. When they get it built, they have a monster. It doesn’t feed the human spirit. They don’t get the emotional result they were hoping for. Why is that? Because what they think they want that will make them feel good only feeds the ego. They think social entry with a big house is going to do all these things for them. It is a letdown. It doesn’t manifest the result they expect.
How to overcome? Build the right structure, something that addresses the human spirit, the real emotional need. The ego/bolstered self esteem are not needs. Design should address the place to do whatever they do, whatever their lifestyle is. Is the core of their lifestyle to eat? Sleep? Entertain? Hobbies? Design to support their way of living, not how their friends and neighbors will perceive them. If it is ego-designed, not one square foot will they enjoy. They are building for what other people will think – “curb appeal,” “show home,” “dream home.”
Key recommendation: let the sun in. Position the house for entry of the sun. In a place of business, have sunlight/natural lighting in the ceiling. People come in and don’t know why. The color yellow on the inside and on the outside attracts people. It is the color of the sun, a cheerful color.
Make the perceived space larger. Open the stair railing so you can see above and below. Let light flood through the space.
Houses don’t lead to divorce when the inhabitants are emotionally happy in them. The wife gets what she wants. The husband gets what he wants. They are out of each other’s hair. If they want to do different things, each needs space – according to their individual needs. A couple can build a huge home, and there not be space for either one of them.
The house should support them emotionally. Decide on the emotion, then build to the emotion. What is the desired emotion? Happy? Carefree? Stimulating? Stability and security? To impress friends? If you desire freedom, build a park; if oppression and control, build a school; if somber, build a funeral home; if cruel, build a jail. How do you want to feel in this place? Design to that. “Design to the emotion.” How do you want to feel?

How can you transfer the above design industry wisdom to help breathe life into cold, winter days?

In what space do you spend your waking hours? What combination of rooms do you spend the majority of your time? Is it your office, your family room, your cubicle? Renovation will take some work. What end result do you want to keep in mind so your effort melts away into pleasure?
How can you change your office, your family room, your cubicle to feed your human spirit?
What is important to you to include in your space? What is at the core of your lifestyle? What kind of emotion is most appealing to you? What feels right to you?
How much sunlight are you getting every day? Are your windows covered or open? Can you bring more sunlight into your space? If direct sunlight is not possible, can you bring in full spectrum lighting? What colors are on your walls?
Is your space open, light, and spacious or closed, dark, and cluttered?
Do you have a space that you can go, just for you? Does your spouse or significant other have a personal space?
What does your space feel like? What emotion comes to mind? If you are not happy with your assessment, what can you do design to your emotion?

Hmm, perhaps when you redesign your favorite spaces, you might find it feels good all year long?

Impact of Our Parents

Rosie Brown — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 23:38:57 +0000

A friend highly recommended the book by Dr. Judith Orloff, Emotional Freedom with the subtitle Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life. I agree…fascinating reading.

I just finished reading the section on parental influence. I read it two ways, first from the perspective of my parents’ effect on me, when suddenly it occurred to me that there was another way to look at it…from the perspective of the effects I had on my own children. Gulp, that’s a lot of responsibility. I found myself wishing I knew in my youth what I know now.

Just a few days ago my son told a story on my other son. His girlfriend was in the kitchen placing dishes in the dishwasher. My son walked into the kitchen and immediately started re-arranging the dishes. She ran him out of the kitchen, and they all three had a good laugh. Guess who he was modeling? The thing we have to remember is to be gentle with ourselves. We all simply did and continue to do the best we know how at any given moment. While we are busy forgiving others, we must remember to also forgive ourselves.

Orloff says, “Beloved or dreaded, these two people (your parents) emotionally molded you. To achieve emotional freedom, you want to disentangle yourself from their worst traits and embody the best.” Orloff recommends an exercise to help you rewire your psychological programming. She suggests you list five positive traits for your mother and five for your father. Then list five negative traits for your mother and five for your father. She advises you to do your best to see your parents as human, rather than idealizing or demonizing them.

I highly recommend that you give yourself a gift and complete this exercise. Just going through the process will be amazingly revealing. Orloff advises, “When reviewing the inventory, consider ways your parents’ assets or liabilities impacted you.” The good news is “you have the choice to evolve past your parents’ limitations.” Simply by becoming aware, you can remove yourself from an unconscious rut and decide to behave differently.

To take all of this parental influence one step further, today in our weekly “Sage-ing” group meeting we watched a video on EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique. EFT is a technique of tapping with your fingers on certain acupuncture points. You can Google “EFT” and find countless information on the subject. There is some sort of connection between your body’s subtle energies, your emotions, and your health. EFT has been successful in thousands of cases involving emotional, health, and performance issues. It often works where nothing else will.

The part on the video that was so striking for me was the statement that children up to about age 6 take in everything they receive, unfiltered. Of course, after that age negative emotions continue to be stored in the body. Eventually those negative emotions, stored in the body cells, result in health issues. Pain is a common indication of stored negative energy. Massage therapists tell us it is not uncommon to be massaging a part of the body when the client bursts into tears, vividly recalling an incident from their youth – incidents they had not thought about since the original occurrence.

Just one negative statement by a parental figure can make a huge impact. I recall an incident that occurred in a class I conducted a few years ago. I divided the class into two teams…the “best teacher” and the “worst teacher.” I sent both teams to the whiteboard with markers in hand. I gave them just a few minutes to see which team could come up with the most characteristics. Both teams filled the board with comments written every which way. The teams sat down, and we slowly reviewed each characteristic, first starting with the “worst teacher” side. One very seniored employee had written with a red marker, “5^th grade teacher: worst handwriting in her entire teaching career.” I asked the class to time me as I read the following statement: “You have the worst handwriting I’ve seen in my entire teaching career!” “How long did it take to say that?” I asked. My next question: “How long did she remember it?” You’re right – till she dies. What power we have! In 5 seconds or less we can place pain in someone’s heart for a lifetime.

It may be impossible to take away something once we’ve put it out there. Reading Emotional Freedom and watching the EFT video tell me it is so critical to watch what we project onto others, particularly our children. Grandma was right… best to count to 10 before we speak. There is such wisdom in the statement I once heard, “Let the words I say today be soft and tender, for tomorrow I may need to eat them.” Hmm, not to mention what the recipient gets to do with them.