When the student is ready, the teacher will come…

Such was the case for me yesterday. I got my feelings hurt BIG time…and I must admit it took me several, several hours till I got my boat turned around. Anger, resentment, silent treatment, projection onto others…I worked it with the best of them.

Finally, a couple of hours into it, I asked myself, “What is the lesson in this?”

Just an hour or so prior to my fiasco, I received the following message from someone who is also currently trying to turn his boat around. Maybe the message was a heads-up for what I was about to experience?

“We only have one life, and we don’t know how long we’ll be here. We might as well live it up and be happy. Forget the worries and sorrows. That’s why you run with it.”

After going out for a jog to release the anger, followed by going into silence to reflect on the situation, I started to really take an introspective look into the target of my anger. Was this a mirror reflecting me back to me? Are the challenging situations occurring in your life a mirror reflecting back to you?

When you look at it this way, what follows?  Perhaps empathy, then understanding, then love. Yeah, love. What is there to do in a case like this? Shine love into the darkness. Take the high road. Be the example, no matter how difficult. Learn the lesson.

Curious that this morning the following statement appears in my inbox from oprah.com: “Many Buddhists consider huge difficulties to be a sign you’re an old soul—the bigger your misfortunes, the closer you are to enlightenment. Whether you believe this or not, it’s certainly cheery to reframe all your life’s bad events as tests of your character. If you feel particularly tested right now, ask yourself what the heck you’re being tested for! Patience? Compassion? Resilience? Forgiveness? Open-mindedness? What strengths must you develop further? Now consciously go out there and develop them!”

Ouch! If you read a little further, there’s the R word:

Let Go of Resentment
Keep in mind a fabulous Carrie Fisher quote: ‘Resentment is the poison you swallow hoping the other person will die.’ Recognize that when you resent someone, you are not only hurting yourself, you’re also giving this person control of your emotions—and you don’t want to give this person bubkes!

Stay Centered
Recognize that when you respond with hate to hate, anger to anger, bitterness to bitterness, you are ironically becoming part of the problem. Choose to resist becoming like them and instead put in the conscious effort to remain a loving, soulful, happy person.

Get Revenge Positively
Contemplating revenge? The best kind of revenge is living a successful, happy life. If you train yourself to consistently be more loving in thoughts and actions, your energy will attract more positive people and positive results. As Albert Einstein said, ‘You can’t solve a problem by staying in the same energy in which it was created.’ To stay focused on highly positive thoughts, repeat this meditation ritual throughout the day: ‘Love, forgiveness, letting go, peace.’

Whew, it would you agree that it does take conscious effort to remain a loving, soulful, happy person?

Love, forgiveness, letting go, peace…perhaps that is the lesson.

Lou Holtz in his video Do Right said one thing is universal: you are going to have problems. Try as you might, you cannot escape problems long term. They are a natural part of our human experience.

www.tut.com says it this way…

“If you knew how much you have in common with every single person now living in time and space Rosie – in terms of your greatest hopes and dreams, and your deepest fears and worries – you’d wonder how I manage to tell you all apart.

And from this day forward you’d likely think of every single one of them as ‘dearest,’ just as I do.

Tallyho,
The Universe”

Problems are universal. As bad as it may seem, you are not alone. What makes one experience different from another’s is how you react to the problem. Do you feel like you made a mistake? Do you blame yourself? Do you feel hopeless, feel as if there is no way out of the situation?

No matter what, you are not a “bad person.” There are no mistakes. A friend recently told me, “The only mistake you make is if you fail to learn from the experience.”

Deepak Chopra says it this way…“Be willing to stop judging against yourself. Bad urges don’t make you a bad person.”

I have had my share of “bad urges.” How about you?

Another thought…are “bad urges” really “bad”? Don’t good things come from all experiences, no matter how “bad” they are.

Recently feeling completely overwhelmed with a personal issue, my son sent me the following quote. He said his professor gave it to him in college when the going got really tough. It helped him make it through. It has helped me. Perhaps it will help you…

“Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”

I was talking with a friend last night, discussing someone who feels as if his life is collapsing around him. My friend took the firm approach that, no matter what, be grateful. No matter how “bad” things seem, his advice is to be grateful. “If you don’t, you are destined to have more and more ‘bad things’ to happen.”

Another perspective comes from this week’s message from Higher Awareness:

“When we are struggling with any challenge, whether it be ill health, a lack of money, a lost job, relationships, an accident, whatever — we need to look for the spiritual learning. We can ask ourselves, “What quality does my soul want me to live more fully?”

Perhaps the most insightful piece of advice comes from Stephen Covey…

“If you start to think the problem is ‘out there,’ stop yourself. That thought is the problem.”

Perhaps the most helpful technique is to guard your thoughts…guard against the negative thoughts and focus on all the things with which to be grateful.

“Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”

This morning’s daily quote by Dr. Wayne Dyer caused my mind to wander…

“The last suit that you wear, you don’t need any pockets.”

When you get right down to it, the important things in life simply aren’t about material things. If that is so, then what is important in life? Surely it would be quite a lonely existence were it not for the people who intersect our lives.

Last week a member of my immediate family was confined to a foreign ICU unit halfway around the world with a pulmonary embolus lodged in his young body. It was quite a wake-up call for what is truly important in life.

Interestingly, despite the need for relationships, there are associated challenges, challenges that impact our physical and mental health and well-being. As we enter into relationships with the various people in our lives, together we weave many colorful twists and turns as we journey our way through life. Happiness and joy are contrasted with misunderstandings and pain. The holiday season seems to only heighten the various sensitivities and human complexities.

Eknath Easwaran aptly stated, “Human relationships are the perfect tool for sanding away our rough edges and getting at the core of divinity within us.”

The newsletter “Higher Awareness” articulated well the impact of relationships:

“Relationships naturally bring out into full view our desires, attachments and unconscious programs – our likes, dislikes, belief systems, judgments, compulsions, conformities, etc. Relationships challenge us because they take us deep into thoughts, feelings and experiences we have suppressed for a lifetime. That’s why they provide the very best arena for personal growth!”

Our relationships with others, and how we deal with those relationships, propels us to the edge where personal growth takes place.

Sometimes we make the mark, and sometimes we make mistakes, missing our target completely.  Whenever we slip, it is important to pick ourselves back up, shake off the dust, and start down the road again…sanding away the rough edges.

Sometimes we are blind to the divine within each of us. Ah, the brilliance that is there when we look past the rough edges.

“When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place
on the floor. It’s to enjoy each step along the way.”

— Wayne Dyer

 What a beautiful reminder that we sometimes need to paste to our foreheads…especially me.

What a week it has been. My book, Stop the Needless Suffering, arrived on Monday, just in time for two seminars and book signings this week. The love and support from the audiences has been filled to overflowing, over the top with emotion.

The associated flurry of activity this week could be likened to living in a tornado. Whew, so many things swirling together from every direction, all at once. There are so many associated activities to learn – AWeber, Virtual Terminal, pasting book links from Amazon into a newly created web site, etc., etc.

Then on Wednesday, the world stopped for just a little while to force me to pause and take notice of the process. I was driving out of town to make a 12:30 lunch appointment that I was very excited about. Everything was going very well. Almost to my destination, I had 15 minutes to spare.

The circumstances all changed when just ahead a train blocked the highway, leaving a mile full of cars and semis stopped dead in all directions. There we all were, trapped together with no possibility of escape.

After my 15 spare minutes were used up, slowly the traffic began to move once again. All the semis started to move slowly, creeping along , one behind the other, on a two lane highway - all the way to my final destination. Trapped in a situation I could do nothing about, it gave me the opportunity to reflect on the moment…and on the entire week’s activities.

Slowly I began to replace the feeling of being panicked at being late with a different feeling. I started to sense the deliciousness of what it would be like when I finally did meet my friends for that lunch appointment. Suddenly I was grateful for this delay, which would now make the moment of our meeting even sweeter. A joyful feeling filled my heart.

It occurred to me that perhaps the delay was simply to get my attention. I had plenty of time to reflect on the week and soak up the joy and appreciation for each step in the process.  

Winston Churchill said, “Everyone stumbles over the truth from time to time, but most people pick themselves up and hurry off as though nothing ever happened.”

The truth I stumbled over was to feel joy in every moment, all of them – even when a stopped train interferes with my schedule.

The lesson for the day? When we dance, let us remember to enjoy each step along the way. 

“Learn to live, love…” Just now I heard someone quote this phrase, which he said came from the book The Shack. Does anyone know for sure? Is that book truly the source?

The phrase was so intriguing, I did a Google search to see if I could identify the source. I found many sites using this quote, each person taking a different, yet similar spin. I became lost in those four words momentarily…

I drifted away to all the events that occurred the past four days. Sometimes “Learn to live, love” is a big bill to fill. Other times, it is easy and effortless.

I reflected back over my recent days and nights in Chicago. On one hand, there is the ever present trepidation and fear one can so easily succumb to, witnessing the cold, angry encounters of people too rushed, too busy to care.

On the other hand, the meetings with a couple groups of attractive, professional, caring young women made it so easy to live life fully and love everything about them.

Then there was the call that came at 11:30 pm, telling of the passing of a close relative. The ensuing grief and pain momentarily frosted over the notion of living and loving.

Two people poured their hearts out over seemingly intolerable work situations, one with unethical business practices, another with a tyrant supervisor. One might ask, “What’s there to love about that?”

On the way home, I finished up the 5 CD series Eat for Health and listened to 2 CDs from Eat to Live by Dr. Joel Fuhrman, M.D. What care and discipline it takes to love oneself enough to do whatever is necessary to unlearn old habits in order to free up endless days to live and love.

As I return to the present moment, I ask myself, what was that quote I just read by Dale Carnegie?

     “The person who gets the farthest is generally the one
      who is willing to do and dare. The sure-thing
                 boat never gets far from shore.”

Nothing in life is the sure thing, and yet everything is. Life is sure to deliver the glorious, happy moments, just as readily as providing the contrast – the opportunities to stretch and grow.

To do and to dare exposes human vulnerability, yet without it, where is the zest for living? The loss of life teaches an appreciation for life. The inhumane boss pushes the recipient out of the nest – perhaps into the best experience of a lifetime – hidden from view, just around the corner.

Hmmm…could it be that all life experiences are to be embraced, lived and loved?

Today has gotten off to a slow start for me. Ever had a morning like that? The “to do” list is piled high, and yet nothing seems to fall into place?

 It occurred to me to pause and figure out what is going on here? I decided to take a look at where my mind has taken me thus far this morning…

 I noted that I had been reflecting back and processing on several interactions I found myself witnessing yesterday. Interesting the strife and struggle we humans find ourselves in. There was the intense emotional conflict between two families. Then there was intriguing conversation that challenged my brain to think about things I had not ever entertained before. Then there was a challenging financial dilemma to address. The day ended with a family member sharing heartfelt life challenges.

Next I started laying out all the outstanding “to do’s” on my list and began to feel a bit overwhelmed with it all. About that time my friend called and asked me what I was up to. I commented on it being a “slow-start” morning. I enumerated the projects I am currently involved in and the ones I need to complete. In that conversation I also discovered that I have a major problem with my computer. To that point, I didn’t realize I wasn’t receiving important messages.

She replied, “Whew, girl! You’ve got a lot going on! I have to hang up and go sit on my patio. I am overwhelmed just listening to it all!” That’s when it occurred to me why I perhaps am having a slow start morning. Could it be too much stuff running through my head, all at the same time? 

What good does it do to constantly run over it all in our head, over and over like a movie? Time to do what you know works, Rosie. Focus on one thing at a time. Give it your all and forget the rest for a moment. Hmm, could it be that some of the rest can be forgotten, period?

It is interesting that the last day or two I have felt the overwhelming urge to tear into a drawer or a closet or a room. Throw away/give away what is not being used. Clear out some of the old to create a vacuum so the new has a place to come in. Perhaps my subconscious is trying to tell me something?

Suddenly it occurred to me: our mind is like that. Sometimes it gets so full of old junk, that it is time to clear and de-clutter. Give it away, throw it away, clean it out, and create space so the fresh and new has a place to enter and reside.

Perhaps those painful life circumstances occurring in the lives of those you love are meant to be there, are necessary for their own personal growth? Perhaps our role is to be a good listener, but not absorb all the strife and claim it as our own?

Perhaps the different views we are exposed to are designed to challenge our own thinking, expand our personal growth?

Perhaps the challenges we face are designed to make the success we’ll experience oh, so sweet and so gratifying?

Perhaps the smart thing to do is release, surrender, clear out the old, and yeah, focus on one thing at a time?

The following quote from David Hawkins addresses yet one other aspect:

“Make a gift of your life and lift all mankind by being kind,
considerate, forgiving, and compassionate at all times, in all
places, and under all conditions, with everyone as well
as yourself. This is the greatest gift anyone can give.”

While we are extending ourselves to be available to help others, perhaps we also need to remember to be kind to ourselves.

On my walk this morning, I listened to the weekly recorded call, “Breakfast with Bob,” by best-selling author, Robert G. Allen. I was struck by a comment he made:

“Good parents create good memories; bad parents create bad memories.”

Bob had just returned from a family vacation/reunion in Canada. He reviewed the beautiful memories he had created with his family…last week and in previous years. Bob said his definition of a good parent has always been: “Good parents create good memories; bad parents create bad memories.”

What a powerful statement. What powerful beings we are. It occurred to me that it is not only parents who create memories, it is each of us as we live our daily lives as co-worker, supervisor, spouse, teacher, lover, stranger, friend.

In just a few seconds we can create a memory that another will carry in their heart for a lifetime. We can give the gift of a good memory, or we can inflict a bad memory. I think I wrote before about the lady who told me her 5^th grade teacher announced to her and the entire class, “You have the worst handwriting I have seen in my entire career.”

 How many seconds did it take for that teacher to make that comment? How many years will the recipient of the words carry them in her heart? She is in her 60s and still remembers the incident as if it happened yesterday. What power we have to impact another human being.

Yes, you can plan to create memories, such as with a family vacation. However, perhaps far greater memories are created day in and day out. Opportunities to create memories just seem to pop up as life creates its daily surprises.

What would it hurt to strike up a conversation with the tired mother in the grocery line? What would it do for her spirit if you told her how much you admire, from your observation, the way she works with her industrious children?

What if you pulled together the people in your department and sincerely thanked them for all they have done this past quarter to try to get the budget sheets back in the black? What would it do for them if you asked them for their ideas…and then really listened, recorded their ideas, and then acted on them?

What if you engage the cab driver in a conversation as he safely delivers you to your destination? What if you asked him about his day, about what is in his heart? I am reminded of the cab driver I met in Las Vegas a few years ago. ..and I am reminded that it is time that I give him another call to encourage him to pursue his dreams.

I learned that Jimmy De Vita was a cab driver by day, but that his heart was in songwriting and poetry. He ended up singing beautiful lyrics to me, and I was saddened when we reached my destination because we were out of time, and I wanted to hear more. All this happened just because I opened the door.

All we have is time, time to create precious memories – for ourselves and others. Remember the quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

“It is one of the most beautiful compensations in life . . . that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”

 We have the power to choose – good memories or bad ones.

 Here is my prayer for all of us…let us remember that this very moment is so precious. Let us spend our moments creating beautiful memories for every person who crosses our path along life’s journey.

 The gift in giving is that those beautiful memories will become ours as well. Have a wonderful weekend!  :  )

Traumas from childhood that affect our lives? I wonder, unknown to each other, if we all don’t have them?

This week I have been involved in deep conversations with members of two different families, and both of their stories seem oddly the same. When I look into my own back yard, I find that I, too, can identify with them. Can you?

In the one example, the young adult woman seems to be locked into a pattern of sadness, unhappiness, and self destruction. There is an underlying anger that seems to follow her all her days. According to her, the problems in her life are always caused by external factors and people. She sees the root of her problems as her mother whom she could “never please.”

The other family involves three adult daughters. A look into their lives demonstrates an older daughter whom the two younger daughters deem as their father’s “favorite.”  Of the trio, the younger daughter seems the most affected. Though successful, she retreats within herself, closing herself off to others, constantly striving to be judged as successful through the eyes of her father.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I think about all the people who have overcome all odds to become successful, healed, loving individuals. Names that come to mind include Abraham Lincoln, Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay… individuals who demonstrate the fact that people “from the other side of the tracks” can become happy, successful people, too.

It is interesting to see that people tend to think they are all alone, that no one has experienced circumstances similar to theirs. However, when one opens up, that’s when one finds that adversity happens to everyone. It is a natural process of life. The flavors of adversity are different, but adversity is there for everyone. The difference lies in what each person chooses to do with the adversity.

What causes one person to rise above their childhood environment and another to stay mired in self pity their entire life? The truth is, life circumstances do not define a person. Each individual is special, whole, complete, and perfect.

Perhaps it starts with choice? Richard Bach says:

“Every person, all the events of your life are there

because you have drawn them there. What you choose
to do with them is up to you.”

Choosing to decide to overcome the obstacles of your life may be the first step, followed by the power of thought. The Foundation for Inner Peace, the Publisher of A Course in Miracles says it this way:

“You may believe that you are responsible for what you do, but not
for what you think. The truth is that you are responsible for
what you think, because it is only at this level that you
can exercise choice. What you do comes from what you think.”

Wayne Dyer’s work, Change Your Thoughts- Change Your Life seems to say it all. Perhaps the path to happiness all starts with a thought and a decision…and a knowing that you are not alone.

One of life’s snafus presented itself for me to deal with yesterday.  At snafu times, it is so easy to feel sorry for ourselves. We can consume the whole day in our anguish…or we can make the choice to appreciate the contrast and choose to see the Divine in each person.

 What good is worry?  Worry is a waste of our creative process. By the natural laws of the universe, worry simply attracts more negative into our lives.  Today’s daily message from Abraham-Hicks puts it this way:

“Whatever you’re thinking about is literally like planning a future event. When you’re worrying, you are planning. When you’re appreciating you are planning…What are you planning?

                                                                              — Abraham”

What does adversity do for us? It stimulates us to reach higher, to break out of the chains that confine us.

Just about the time I want to feel sorry for myself, I simply need to remind myself what others have been through. Take Dick and Rick Hoyt for example.

Dick and Rick Hoyt are a father-and-son team from Massachusetts who together compete just about continuously in marathon races. And if they’re not in a marathon, they are in a triathlon — that daunting, almost superhuman, combination of 26.2 miles of running, 112 miles of bicycling, and 2.4 miles of swimming. Together they have climbed mountains, and once trekked 3,735 miles across America.

It’s a remarkable record of exertion — all the more so when you consider that Rick can’t walk or talk.

For the past twenty five years or more, Dick, who is 65, has pushed and pulled his son across the country and over hundreds of finish lines. When Dick runs, Rick is in a wheelchair that Dick is pushing. When Dick cycles, Rick is in the seat-pod from his wheelchair, attached to the front of the bike. When Dick swims, Rick is in a small but heavy, firmly stabilized boat being pulled by Dick. And yes, Rick lives in his own apartment, miles away from his father.

And then there is Erik Weihenmayer. Erick lost his eyesight and his beloved mother as a young teenager. Erik is also the only blind man in history to reach the tallest peak of every continent, including Mount Everest. The message on the back of Erik’s book, The Adversity Advantage, is poignant:

“Adversity is one of the most potent forces in life. It shapes your character, clarifies your priorities, and defines your path. It can also fuel your greatness. Each of us faces a rich assortment of adversities every day, ranging from minor hassles to major setbacks and challenges, even tragedies. The path to success, both in business and in life, is learning how to convert any adversity, major or minor, into a genuine advantage.”

 Then there is Nick Vujicic, the 23 year old man with no arms or legs who spends his life traveling to audiences everywhere, delivering the message to dream, to have vision, to set goals, to be thankful. As a young boy, he looked in the mirror, deep into his eyes. He told himself, “Look at your eyes. You have beautiful eyes, young man. You are hot!” Google You Tube and listen to his message. He asks us, “Do you get the message? Can you find one positive thing about your life? Then hang onto it!”

 Lastly, here is this morning’s message from tut.com:

 “Look at it like this, Rosie, the more challenging your life story has been so far, the bigger the goose bumps for future generations who retell it to their kids. Who will no doubt add, ‘And if Rosie Brown was able to do all that, so can you!’

We’ve barely just begun -
    The Universe”

Guess my snafu is not so significant after all.

“He just doesn’t get it. I try to tell him if he wants to improve his life, he has to start by accepting himself. He does a good job of helping everybody else, but I keep telling him it has to start with him loving and accepting himself.”

As I listened to this story in our church discussion group yesterday, a flood of thoughts filled my mind. It reminded me of four significant teachings:  

1)      Joey Korn’s energy work demonstrating the importance of blessing ourselves first, and blessing ourselves at least twice a day… and again at any time a negative situation arises throughout the day (see previous blog article or www.dowsers.com ).

2)      Louise Hay’s work, You Can Heal Your Life, teaching us that loving ourselves can heal everything in our lives.

3)      Doreen Virtue’s teaching that we are “perfect, whole, and complete, and we are very, very loved.”

4)       The repeated message that Angels are at our side 24/7 but cannot act in our behalf unless we ask for help. The only exception is that they can intercede in a traumatic event that would lead to our demise before our time to depart the earth plane.

As I listened to his story, his frustration with trying to help his friend, for the first time I identified with what it must feel like to be an Angel and not be able to intercede in someone’s behalf without permission. Having been a “Miss Fix It” all my life, this sudden realization was a huge ah-ha moment.

Funny how life makes good on one’s promises to “do better next time.” I had no more walked out of the church discussion group when a “crisis” phone call came from a family member. This person seems to be in continual crisis.

Hmm, is this person asking for my help or just wanting to vent? Perhaps a 5^th insight for the morning’s teaching might be the importance of setting boundaries?

Until a person is ready to help themselves, perhaps the best thing we can do is to bless them, see them as perfect, whole and complete, and set healthy boundaries for ourselves.

The person in the discussion group concluded his story with perhaps still yet another insight…”Maybe the thing I need to do is just be an example.”