Last night I went to a gathering where I ran into two people I used to work with. They were glowing, very happy. The company has been extremely successful, right in the midst of the economic downturn that the rest of the world has been experiencing over this past year.
Have you ever doubted yourself that you made the right decision? That’s where I have been these past few hours. I even woke up in the wee hours of the morning thinking about it, and I continued to process on it during my morning walk.
I wince for two reasons. 1) I no longer belong to that “family.” Where I was once an integral part, I am now on the outside looking in, and 2) I tossed away a lucrative career opportunity to follow a dream.
The further I walked this morning, the more I pondered. The three evil sisters, Shoulda, Coulda, and Woulda accompanied me on my journey. To add insult to injury, I thought of the words of Robert Frost, “Two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the one less traveled by”…yep, that’s me. The three sisters agreed.
Growing weary of their company, I decided to reach in deep and look at things differently. It then occurred to me to check my morning affirmations on my blackberry. Maybe there would be a message that would help me to feel better. The first one I opened was from tut.com. Sure enough, there it was:
“Which sounds like more fun, Rosie: Being showered with miracles just because I love you, or being showered with miracles because you dared, stretched, went out on a limb, raised the bar, threw down the gauntlet, faced your fears, and grew into more than you ever knew you could be?
Dare ya,
The Universe”
Oh, yes, those growing pains. Even though the bank account doesn’t yet demonstrate that I made a wise choice, I started thinking about all the positive things that have occurred as a result of my decision. Well, I wouldn’t be out here this minute with Suzie and Riley, smelling the honeysuckle, experiencing the sunrise, the gorgeous lavender crown vetch flowering out in the wild, the face to face contact with the little fawn, or the tracks in the mud giving evidence that raccoon, deer, and wild geese have all made their way on this path before me.
I wouldn’t be able to have lunch at school with my granddaughter once a week or take her to dance lessons as I have these past three years, something I missed with my own three children. I continued on and on with this exercise, thinking about all the things I have to be grateful for. The more I thought, the larger my gratitude list became.
I then started to think about Divine inspiration. Surely we are each called to follow a unique plan for our life? Rather than looking into someone else’s life, aren’t we better served to follow the nudges and intuition that guide us on own journey, which can only be one of a kind? Doesn’t hanging out with Shoulda, Coulda, and Woulda rob us of experiencing this beautiful moment in time? Just maybe the grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence?
Ahh, it suddenly occurred to me who else has been traveling with me these past few hours – our old friend, Ego, who loves to muddy the water and cause us to self doubt.
Tut, I think you’re on to something. Let us each dare, stretch, go out on a limb, raise the bar, throw down the gauntlet, face our fears, and grow into more than we ever knew we could be.
